Not feeling alone

Esther

Speak out what is there
I told Titia that life now invites me to really express what is there. The things that I find uncomfortable, like feeling angry when someone uses something from me without asking. That I freeze when someone makes a comment that I experience as a rejection. Or that I often find it difficult to give feedback, because I am afraid that others will not like me anymore. But also the fear that the sharing of what is in me evokes in me. Fear I never felt before. Tucked so deep in my belly.
And as I share and contribute, I also feel the sadness of everything I've held back for so long. And the realization that my strength lies in bringing in my feeling. From that, what really lives in me. Show who I am!

"But what I feel inside is mine"
Paul said, "yes, but what I feel inside is mine." That's true. And as long as you keep it hidden inside, you can also push it away and keep it hidden from others. When you share it, pronounce it, it becomes true! If it is born, it gets life and you can do something with it.
Our injuries all arise in relation, healing of this happens precisely when you bring this into contact again in the moment.

Speak about the resistance within yourself
Time and time again I notice in the Tantric Dance groups how much resistance there is to sharing that which is really in us. "I come for the experience, I have to let it settle first, for now it is good, it is said". Or a story is being told instead of what has actually been experienced and can now be felt in the moment.

Henk was touched again and again in that he felt that he was not seen, not chosen. But he didn't say anything about this during the rounds. Only the very last time we were together did he express his anger and sadness about this. For the first time, the others in the group really saw and felt him. By not bringing it in, he kept repeating the sense of rejection. Because on an unconscious level people feel this and avoid it. Once in the open, we felt him. The impulse naturally arose to get closer to him. So to express what really touched his mind makes him realize his desire for closeness and intimacy.

Showing yourself in vulnerability, exactly what we find most difficult, is the first step towards healing.

"I find it difficult to put into words what I feel"
Violet began to say that she found it difficult to accommodate what the dances had done to her. She said softly, "I feel so touched by the love and tenderness, and the feeling that someone is doing that for me." The moment she said it, I felt goosebumps. By expressing what she felt deeply in her, the love, tenderness, and gratitude became tangible in all of us. And she could let the feeling go deeper.
And how is that? When you feel your gratitude completely inside every cell and fiber? And you also immediately touch the others around you?

The fear of bringing ourselves in
You often feel separated from yourself and others. You don't put yourself in because you think: the other will think me crazy, not nice, the other will not love me anymore, you are ashamed of what is in you. Think that what I have to say doesn't matter is not important. These thoughts are your ego, your fear, which prevents you from showing yourself and entering into contact and intimacy.

Do you also want to show yourself? Feelable for yourself and others? Become touchable. Want to experience closeness and intimacy to yourself and others?

Then bring yourself in and show who you are. How can you do that in a good way?

Be clear, short and sweet, and share what happened in the situation. Don't make a story of it.
Share what you really feel inside. Joy, sadness, disappointment, frustration, anger, shame, playfulness, etc.
That which is often deeply hidden in you, sees the light. And everything that shines light gets space.
That which you do not want to show deep in yourself keeps coming up unconsciously. Such as frustration and pain that is triggered again and again in a situation, such as with Henk.
Open yourself up to others and know that what is in you is usually in the other too.
How nice is it to know that the fear you feel is also fear that the other person feels at another time?
Make sure to share when you feel the other person receiving you. A sincere listening ear.


© Esther Janssen
https://esther.tantric.dance