My deepest desire is for my life energy to flow completely. Everything in me vibrates, participates: my body, my soul, my spirit. That my emotions may be completely there. I follow my own flow and don't let situations or others stop me from following what is right for me. Yesterday during the Tantric Dance Floor group we danced a lot with this theme. And what a pleasure when the energy shivers through me and the other. But it also immediately becomes visible and tangible where we are still holding back, holding back, not indicating our limits, where our body is tight and stiff and does not feel. How we allow ourselves to be held back by our own ideas about ourselves and others.
The mirror of the dance
I danced with someone I didn't feel. There was a very careful hand that touched me. Absent. I didn't feel him and neither did his heart. "Grrrr!" I growled, stamping his feet, to challenge him. Nothing changed. At the end of the dance we shared briefly. I asked him, "where are you?" He was literally at a distance. He took my hand and held it to his heart. It was restless! "I want you, I miss you, where are you?" I asked. As we huddled together, tears broke through us.
The dance immediately makes sense where the lifestream does not flow freely. Where it is lying unconscious, withdrawn or anxious. Patterns that are built up that we don't really show ourselves, we hide ourselves, where we hang in resistance and keep contact.
When I look back on my path, I see and feel more and more that everything is part of me, that I live my full potential and that this is embodied step by step. In a very different way than I have ever thought. This is going much slower than I have ever imagined.
The journey started with working with subtle energy, in which I felt very much at home. But after years I noticed that it stopped taking me further. I felt disappointment, because it didn't bring me what I wanted so deeply. Now I understand why… There was so much more that I was allowed to discover.
It took me further to learn to feel and embrace my emotions. I discovered that emotions are direction indicators, telling me where my strength is or where I can integrate my strength and qualities much more.
It didn't stop there. I knew about the power of the thoughts, but had not yet learned how to really perceive and feel my thoughts and see that I am not these thoughts. And at the same time discovering how I use my mind to shift my focus to who I Am, My Essence, rather than to the undermining thoughts in me.
I learned to shift my focus and at the same time embrace my emotions and negative thoughts. And don't ignore them or push them away.
Did I think I was there now? Nothing! While I could feel and experience more and more of the above facets of myself next to each other, my body indicated more and more stubbornly. "I want to participate".
Because everything in me can only participate if I really take in my body. So that I embody who I am. In every fiber and in every cell. Here too I can learn from others. Because I cannot see my blind spots myself, but I can discover them in contact with someone else. This way I became aware step by step where I am not present in my body. Bringing my attention and breathing here invites my body to open. It makes me stand more firmly with both legs here in my own life. And experience my emotions and feelings in the moment and introduce this teaching. I am going to feel and embody myself instead of having an "idea" of who I am.
I relax ever deeper in myself.
And I will tell you a secret: that also makes my I feel my life energy more and more powerful. And wow ... what a pleasure!
An important thread in everything I have practiced and learned in recent years is the Tantric Dance. Tantric Dance invites you to feel who you really are, to discover which thoughts and judgments you place in between. It makes you feel in touch where you cross borders (of yourself or others) and where you are not. In the Tantric Dance we dance every time from a different energy or theme so that you discover something new about yourself every time. All in a playful setting that invites you to experiment.
© Esther Janssen